1. | Ramona’s behaviors are as follows: excessively aggressive, impulsive, and has trouble listening and sitting still. Ramona tends to take over social situations and boss her peers around. The self-esteem danger for Ramona is she ignores her flaws and passes off any failure as other people’s fault, producing unrealistically high self-esteem. Judy’s behaviors are as follows: anxious, shy, and depressed. Judy tends to hang back in social situations and be too timid to socially interact. The self-esteem danger for Judy is she exaggerates her flaws or sees deficiencies where none exist, producing unrealistically low self-esteem. Judy in particular is at risk of “learned helplessness”—that is, deciding she is hopelessly incompetent and, as a result, not trying in important areas of life. |
2. | Intervention for Max: Gently point out where he is having trouble—“It’s not working for you to barge in and take over. The kids get upset when you always must be center stage.” Then work to foster self-efficacy, by praising Max for working to control himself in these crucial areas. Intervention for Minnie: Once again, work to enhance reality—“You are doing well in areas X, Y, and Z. Here is where you really are a success.” Then try to foster self-efficacy by breaking school challenges into small steps and then pointing out successes. For both children emphasize you care and, most importantly, drum in the idea, “You can succeed, if you work.” |
3. | Risks—not trusting positive feedback from teachers as “true” (“She is just being kind, but she really thinks I’m dumb”); lowered self-efficacy on tasks supposedly tapping into basic academic talents; deciding to turn off to school, thereby ensuring failure. Intervention: focus heavily on pointing out the MANY Black academic role models—particularly those who triumphed over adversity throughout history and in our contemporary society. |
4. | Reaction from shy, anxious child: May run away or be paralyzed by fear, as excessive empathy and feelings of incompetence will prevent her from making a prosocial response. Reaction from self-confident, happy child: Apt to take action to comfort the child and actively take steps to help, as she can feel sympathy plus be confident about her ability to act effectively. Reaction from child with externalizing tendencies: May ignore or possibly laugh at the classmate, as she is unable to feel the empathy (and then muster the sympathetic reaction) crucial in deciding to act in a prosocial way. |
5. | From its life peak around age 2, as children get older, rates of aggression decline and wounds to “the self” become salient provocations for aggressive acts. Also, as children move into elementary school, overt aggression (hitting, yelling, and screaming) is replaced by more indirect modes. In particular, during late elementary school and middle school, relational aggression—spreading rumors, teasing, and acting to destroy relationships—becomes especially common. |
6. | Todd may have been an exuberant and/or difficult toddler, whose inability to control himself provoked harsh discipline from his parents. Constantly being spanked, yelled at, and told he was “impossible” led to clear-cut externalizing symptoms during preschool. Then, early in elementary school, Todd’s aggressive, out-of-control behavior caused him to be rejected by his peers and teachers, further amplifying his hostility, getting him defined as an antisocial child, and causing him generally to think “the world is out to get me.” The name for Todd’s paranoid worldview is a hostile attributional bias. |
7. | Wendell will just run around or fight over toys; at a minimum, he will play in a parallel universe from that of his cousins. Roger will make up pretend scenarios and truly relate to his cousins as he plays. Roger’s play style is called collaborative pretend play. |
8. | The boys will be more overtly competitive, bossy, and play in larger groups. They also will run around more (and really enjoy fighting with each other!). The boys will play with classically male toys. The girls will prefer quieter activities, relate more one-to-one, and tend to negotiate and interact in a more collaborative way. The girls may play with more classically female toys such as Barbie dolls. While some girls will enjoy male toys, if they try to cross the gender divide and join all-boy groups, they may get a harsh reception. Moreover, if a boy enjoys girl toys and prefers to play mainly with girls, he will be socially scorned. |
9. | Sam and Logan are apt to have similar interests, enjoy each other as people, and also support one another and be loyal. This friendship is teaching the boys the importance of loyalty and support, as well as how to negotiate and get along as equals. It’s training them in the core skills involved in having adult relationships, and offering them protection as they venture out into life. When the boys argue, they will be motivated to compromise to preserve their bond. |
10. | Your niece may be incredibly socially anxious, have externalizing problems, or may simply be very different from her group. If the child is socially anxious, connect her with a friend. If the child has externalizing problems, provide a nurturing environment and resist the tendency to spank, scream, or define the child as “bad.” If the issue is simply being unlike the group, one possibility is to move your niece to another school or a different class, where she might be more in “sync” with her peers. |