Interpersonal Communication Relating Others 7th Edition By Beebe Redmond – Test bank A+

Chapter 6: Verbal Communication Skills
Chapter-at-a-Glance
Brief Chapter Outline Learning Objectives Instructor Manual
Resources
Notes
How Words Work
Objective 1
Activity: 6.1, 6.2, 6.3 6.4,
and 6.14
The Power of Words
Objective 2
Activity: 6.8, 6.9, 6.10, 6.12,
6.13, 6.14, 6.15
How to Manage
Misunderstandings
Objective 3
Activity: 6.5. 6.6, 6.11
How to Use Words of
Support
Objectives 4
Activity: 6.7
How to Apologize
Objective 5 Activity: 6.16
How to Be Assertive
Objective 6 Activity: 6.17
Learning Objectives
After studying the chapter, students should be able to:
1. Describe how words create meaning.
2. Identify how words influence our perceptions, thoughts, actions, culture, and relationships.
3. Identify and describe word barriers that lead to misunderstandings.
4. Use words to provide support and avoid defensiveness.
5. Use words to offer an apology when appropriate.
6. Use assertiveness skills appropriately and ethically.
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Chapter Overview
How Words Work: Humans are symbolic by nature and use words. Words are symbolic,
arbitrary, and context-bound. Words have both denotative and connotative meanings and can
communicate about the concrete or abstract.
The Power of Words: Meanings are in people, not in words. The words we use create
perceptions and can be powerful. Words have the power to affect our thoughts and actions.
Words have the power to affect and reflect their host culture. They can also make or break a
relationship. Words should be used carefully and thoughtfully.
How to Manage Misunderstandings: Verbal communication can be challenging at times. We
must be aware of missed meanings and must be clear, specific, and aware of changes in
meanings. We need to also be aware of polarizing either-or extremes. Unbiased language can
also help us to avoid negative communication issues, as we also need to avoid sexist language
and racially or ethnically biased language. Additionally, demeaning language should be avoided.
How to Use Words of Support: A number of verbal strategies can enhance interpersonal
relationships by establishing a positive and supportive climate and communicating a sense of
value for others. We use words to establish a supportive relationship when we describe rather
than evaluate, solve problems rather than control others, are genuine rather than manipulative,
empathize rather than remain detached, are flexible rather than rigid toward others, and present
ourselves as an equal rather than a superior.
How to Apologize: There are times when we aren’t as other-oriented as we should be. One way
to heal relational breaks when we’ve made a mistake is to offer an apology and ask for
forgiveness. An apology can help us save face and repair relational stress. An apology can calm
a turbulent relationship.
How to Be Assertive: We can learn to use words to be appropriately assertive when
communicating with others who create a defensive climate, are verbally aggressive, obnoxious,
or who use language to try to coerce or intimidate. The five steps to appropriately take care of
yourself through the use of assertive behavior are to describe your view of the situation, disclose
your feelings, identify the effects, be silent and wait for a response, and paraphrase the content
and feelings of your partner’s message.
Chapter Outline
(All key terms appear in bold)
I. How Words Work
A. Words Are Symbols
• The triangle of meaning explains the relationships between referents, thoughts, and
symbols (Ogden and Richards).
a) A symbol is a word, sound, or visual device that triggers an image, sound,
concept, or experience.
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b) A referent is the thing that a symbol represents.
c) Thought is the mental process of creating an image, sound, concept or
experience triggered by a referent or symbol.
1. Words Are Denotative and Connotative
• Language creates meaning on two levels: content and feelings.
a) The denotative level conveys content; the word’s restrictive or literal
meaning as found in the dictionary.
b) The connotative level of language conveys feelings; the personal or
subjective meaning of a word.
2. Words Are Concrete and Abstract
• Words can be placed along a continuum from abstract to concrete.
• We call a word concrete if we can experience its referent with one of our senses.
• If we cannot experience the referent with our senses, then the word is abstract.
• In general, the more concrete the language, the easier it is for others to
understand.
B. Words Are Arbitrary
• There is not necessarily a logical connection between the referent and the symbol.
• The arbitrary nature of most words means that there is no inherent meaning in a
word.
• Words that, when pronounced, sound like the event or thing they are signifying are
called onomatopoetic words.
C. Words Are Culture-Bound
• Culture consists of the rules, norms, values, and mores of a group of people that have
been learned and shaped from one generation to the next.
• The meaning of a symbol, such as a word, can change from culture to culture.
• The study of words and meaning is called semantics.
a) One important semantic theory, known as symbolic interaction theory, suggests
that as a society we are bound together because of our common use of symbols.
b) Symbolic interaction theory also illuminates how we use our common
understanding of symbols to form interpersonal relationships.
II. The Power of Words
A. Words Create Perceptions
• Words give us tools to create our world by naming and labeling what we experience.
• When you label something as “good” or “bad,” you are using language to create your
own vision of how you experience the world.
• You create your self-worth largely with self-talk and with the labels you give
yourself.
• One theorist believes you create your moods and emotional state with the words you
use to label your feelings.
B. Words Influence Thoughts
• Words and thoughts are inextricably linked.
• Scientific evidence indicates that words influence our thoughts.
• Words symbolize meaning, but the precise meaning of a word originates in the mind
of the sender and the receiver.
C. Words Influence Actions
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• Words not only have the power to create and influence your thoughts, they also
influence your actions—because your thoughts, which are influenced by words,
affect how you behave.
• Advertisers know that slogans and catch phrases sell products.
• The way we use language can communicate the amount of power we have in a
conversation with others.
• We use language in ways that are both powerful and powerless.
a) With powerless speech we are less persuasive and have less influence on others.
b) Powerless speech is characterized by more pauses, and words like “umm” and
“ahh.”
c) Another way of communicating a lack of power is by tacking on a question at the
end of a statement.
D. Words Affect and Reflect Culture
• A theory called linguistic determinism describes how use of language determines or
influences thoughts and perceptions.
• Linguistic relativity explains that each language includes some unique features that
are not contained in other languages.
• The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis is based on the principles of linguistic determinism
and linguistic relativity.
a) Language shapes our thoughts and culture.
b) Your thoughts and culture affect the language you use to describe our world.
c) Your worldview is your perspective for interpreting experiences.
E. Words Make and Break Relationships
• What you say and how you say it have a strong impact on how you relate to others.
• It is through our talk that we establish our relationships with other people. Steve
Duck suggests that we literally talk a relationship into being.
• Words influence relationships when we express our emotions and feelings during our
conversations.
• The use of profanity—words considered obscene, blasphemous, irreverent, rude, or
insensitive—has an impact on our relationships with others.
• Whether or not a word is considered “profane” is determined by context and culture.
• The other person, not you, determines the effect of the use of profanity on the
relationship.
• A euphemism is a mild or indirect word that is substituted for one that describes
something vulgar, profane, unpleasant, or embarrassing.
III. How to Manage Misunderstandings
A. Be Aware of Missed Meaning
• Bypassing is confusion caused by the same words meaning different things to
different people.
• It is estimated that the 500 words used most often in daily conversations in English
have more than 14,000 dictionary definitions.
B. Be Clear
• Lack of clarity may be created through improper or imprecise use of words.
• A malapropism is a confusion of one word or phrase for another that sounds similar
to it.
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• Other examples include using words out of context, using inappropriate grammar, or
putting words in the wrong order.
C. Be Specific
• For most communication, the object is to be as specific and concrete as possible.
• You are being too precise if you use a restricted code—words that have a particular
meaning to a person, group, or culture—in a group that does not understand it. When
people have known each other for a long time, they may use restricted codes for their
exchanges.
• Jargon is the use of specialized terms or abbreviations whose meanings are only
known to a specific group.
• Allness is the tendency to use language to make unqualified, often untrue
generalizations. For example, “All women are poor drivers.”
a) Avoid untrue generalizations by reminding yourself that your use and
interpretation of a word is unique, and by qualifying statements with the words
“to me.” (“Curfews for teenagers seem ridiculous to me.”)
b) Indexing is avoiding generalizations by using statements that separate one
situation, person, or example from another.
D. Be Aware of Changes in Meaning
• Static evaluation is a pronouncement that does not take the possibility of change into
consideration.
• The metaphorical expression “the map is not the territory” illustrates that words, like
maps, must constantly change to represent and accommodate change.
• To avoid this barrier, date your observations and indicate the time period from which
you draw your observations.
E. Be Aware of Polarizing Either-or Extremes
• By describing things in extremes (polarizing), and leaving out the middle ground,
your language does not accurately reflect reality.
• Family counselors who listen to family feuds find that the tendency to see things
from an either/or point of view is a classic symptom of a troubled relationship.
F. Be Unbiased
• Using words that reflect your biases toward other cultures or ethnic groups, the other
gender, people with a different sexual orientation, or people who are different from
you in some other way can create a barrier for your listeners.
• Hate speech includes words or phrases intended to offend or show disrespect for
someone’s race, ethnicity, cultural background, gender, or some other aspect of their
personality.
1. Avoid Sexist Language
• Nonsexist language reflects nonsexist attitudes.
• Monitoring your speech for sexist remarks can help you keep your sexist
assumptions in check.
• Nonsexist language will make your speech more contemporary and
unambiguous.
• Your nonsexist language will empower others.
a) Talk about the sexual orientation of others by being other-oriented and
using terms that are preferred by those being described.
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b) Monitor your speech so that you are not, even unconsciously, using
phrases that depict a racial group or ethnic group in a negative,
stereotypical fashion.
2. Avoid Ethnically or Racially Biased Language
• Monitor your speech so that you do not, even unconsciously, use phrases that
depict a racial group or ethnic group in a negative, stereotypical fashion.
• The terms we use to label ethnic groups reflect perceptions of culture and
identity.
• A sensitive, other-oriented communicator keeps abreast of such changes and
adopts the designations currently preferred by members of the ethnic groups
themselves.
3. Avoid Demeaning Language
• Language barriers are created when they disparage a person’s age, mental or
physical ability, or social standing.
• Discrimination based on age is a growing problem in the workplace.
• The way someone describes people with disabilities can negatively affect
how they may be perceived.
• Although some societies and cultures make considerable distinctions among
classes, it is nonetheless offensive today to use words that are intended to
demean someone’s social class.
IV. How to Use Words of Support
• For more than three decades, Jack Gibb’s observational research has been used as a
framework for both describing and prescribing verbal behaviors that contribute to
feelings of either supportiveness or defensiveness.
• Words can be used to create a supportive climate rather than an antagonistic or
defensive one.
• Words and actions are tools we use to let someone know whether we support them or
not.
A. Describe Your Feelings, Rather Than Evaluate Behavior
• Most of us don’t like to be judged or evaluated.
• One way to avoid evaluating others is to eliminate the accusatory “you” from your
language.
• Instead, use the word “I” to describe your own feelings and thoughts about a situation
or event.
a) In doing this you are, in essence, taking ownership of the problem.
b) This approach leads to greater openness and trust because your listener does not
feel rejected or as if you are trying to control him or her.
• Extended “I” language is a brief preface to a feedback statement, intended to
communicate that you don’t want your listener to take your message in an overly
critical way.
• Listening for the way you use “I,” “you,” “me,” and “we” can provides clues to the
overall quality of the relationship.
B. Solve Problems Rather Than Control
• Most of us don’t like others’ attempts to control us.
• Open-ended questions create a more supportive climate than critical comments.
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C. Be Genuine Rather Than Manipulative
• To be genuine means that you honestly seek to be yourself rather than someone you
are not.
• It also means taking an honest interest in others and considering the uniqueness of
each individual and situation, avoiding generalizations or strategies that focus only on
your own needs and desires.
• A manipulative person has hidden agendas.
D. Empathize Rather Than Remain Detached
• Empathy is one of the hallmarks of supportive relationships.
• Being empathic is the essence of being other-oriented.
• The opposite of empathy is neutrality; being indifferent or apathetic toward another.
• What most people want from others during times of stress are messages of empathy
and sensitivity to their feelings, followed by problem solving, relating, refraining
from general negativity, and offering a different perspective.
E. Be Flexible Rather Than Rigid
• Most people don’t like someone who always seems certain that he or she is right.
• The “I’m right, you’re wrong” attitude creates a defensive climate.
F. Present Yourself as Equal Rather Than Superior
• You can antagonize others by letting them know that you view yourself as better they
are.
• Although some people have the responsibility and authority to manage others,
“pulling rank” does not usually produce a cooperative climate.
• Avoid using abstract language or professional jargon to impress others.
• When communicating with someone from another culture, you may need to use an
elaborated code to get your message across; using conversation that uses many
words and various ways of describing an idea or concept to communicate its meaning
without being condescending.
• Underlying the goal of creating a supportive rather than a defensive communication
climate is the importance of providing social and emotional support when
communicating with others.
• Appropriate humor can be used to turn a tense, potentially conflict producing
confrontation into a more supportive, positive conversation.
V. How to Apologize
• Apology—to explicitly admit that we made an error and to ask the person we
offended to forgive us.
• An apology helps us save face and can repair relational stress.
• Research has found that when we apologize to someone, the person we initially
offended has greater empathy toward us and is less likely to avoid us or seek revenge.
• One of the most effective ways to apologize is simply to honestly and sincerely admit
that you were wrong.
VI. How to Be Assertive
• At times, it is necessary to respond to others who communicate in a way that creates a
defensive climate.
• Being other-oriented doesn’t mean you should ignore such boorish behavior, nor
respond in the same way you were treated.
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• Being assertive is to make requests, ask for information, stand up for your rights, and
generally pursue your own best interests without denying your partner’s rights.
• Being aggressive is expressing one’s interests while denying the rights of others by
blaming, judging, and evaluating other people.
A. Five steps to behaving assertively:
1) Describe how you view the situation.
2) Disclose your feelings to help build empathy.
3) Identify the effects of the other person’s behavior on you or on others.
4) Be silent and wait for a response.
5) Paraphrase content and feelings.
• If the other person is evasive, unresponsive, or aggressive, you’ll need to cycle
through the steps again.
• If you tend to withdraw from conflict, you can become assertive through visualizing
and verbalizing assertive statements.
Discussion/Journal Questions
• How do words work? (Point to an object in the classroom and ask student what it is.)
Why?
Who named it?
Must we use that word or can we change it?
What conditions would have to exist before we could change something’s name?
What new words have come into the language lately?
• Ask students to generate a list of words that have come about because of the Internet, TV, or
technology (i.e., tweeps, lolz, totes (totally), FidoCam, MOOC, momshell, etc.).
Who gave words to these things?
How do words that mean one thing come to mean something else?
• Does your culture influence your language choices?
Do you say “pop,” “soda,” or “Coke”?
What do you call the three meals you eat each day?
What cultural distinctions might influence language?
• How can communication avoid offending anyone?
What is the purpose of “politically correct” language?
Why do people take offense at some words?
Can we take it too far?
• Do you use profanity? Do your friends use it? How does profanity impact your life (in
person, on television, in hearing strangers use it, etc.)?
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Activities and Assignments
Activity 6.1: Origins of Words
This activity will help students understand the concept of words having different meanings for
different people.
Have students work in small groups comparing the names they each use for the following
popular foods:
1. Carbonated drinks
2. Sandwiches made on long rolls
3. Drinks made with ice cream
4. Cut and fried potatoes
5. Tubular links of processed meat, often seen on barbecue grills
Ask students to consider the origin of these terms for them. For example, people from the
northern states may refer to carbonated beverages as “pop.”
Activity 6.2: What Do Words Mean?
Play a word association game with students and have them write 5-10 short responses for the
following words:
• Dog
• Date
• Home
• Job
• School
• Bad
• Love
Take each word in turn and generate a list of words from the class. You may need to probe with
questions, such as:
• What positive words did you come up with?
• What negative words did you come up with?
• Why did you choose these terms? (Discuss culture, family of origin, etc.)
• Did these words come automatically or did you have to think about them?
• Were the meanings that were written down connotative or denotative meanings?
• How have you been misunderstood when using your definition of a particular
word?
This can lead to a discussion of meanings being in people and not in the words we use.
Taking it further:
• For each of the nouns, can we agree on a common definition (the denotative
meaning)?
• Where do our personal (connotative) meanings for these nouns come from?
• Which nouns created a more positive association in you? Why?
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• Which has greater impact on you, denotative or connotative meanings? When?
• What kind of connotative meanings seem to be connected to very strong
emotions? Why would that be? Do these emotionally charged nouns seem more or
less abstract than others? Why would that make a difference?
• Do people (poets, protesters, or others) ever use the connotative power of words
as a weapon? Does it work? What defense is there against that?
Activity 6.3: Do You Speak American?
The PBS DVD “Do You Speak American?” features host Robert MacNeil traveling to different
parts of the United States asking people about how they talk—examining the words they use and
the way they use them. One portion of the production addresses the prescriptivist vs.
descriptivist debate in language. MacNeil interviews proponents of both positions (one an
advocate for the control of the English language by highly trained linguists, and opposed to the
prevalence of slang in the language, and one an advocate for a more democratic approach to
language). In another segment, MacNeil looks at regional differences in the way people speak
and asks various people to identify the region of the U.S. where they think “correct” English is
spoken. This DVD is interesting and informative, and can be used as a basis for discussion on a
number of issues related to words and language.
http://www.pbs.org/speak/books... (PBS website for “Do You Speak American?” book and DVD
information and sales)
Activity 6.4: Concrete and Abstract Terms
To clarify the distinction between concrete and abstract terms, ask each student in turn to write
the first thing that pops into his or her head for each of the following:
• Dog
• Large dog
• Large dog with spots
• Large dog with black and white spots
• Dalmatian
Discuss the use of concrete and abstract terms when attempting to create meaning with others.
• What are the benefits in being more specific?
• In being less specific?
• When is it a good idea to be ambiguous?
Activity 6.5: Malapropisms: Words Gone Awry
Bring in a variety of bloopers and spend some time reading them to students. Not only will they
find this hilarious (it’s an excellent introduction to the chapter on verbal communication), they
will see how subtle shifts in wording can have disastrous results. This can lead into a class
discussion about how the nature of symbols and language (their flexibility) makes possible
meaning in human life, but also holds tremendous potential for problems and misunderstandings.
(The following links lead to particularly hilarious bloopers.)
http://www.tallrite.com/LightR... (Church bulletin bloopers)
http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~no... (A history of the
world through student bloopers)
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http://www.jdsmithinsurance.co... (Bloopers from insurance claims
forms)
http://www.munsinger.com/malap... (Interesting student malapropisms)
Activity 6.6: Recognizing Barriers in Communication
To help students analyze speech for communication barriers that may be present, read the
following statements aloud to the class. Ask students to identify the barrier to effective
communication present in each statement.
Statements
1. “You can’t love me, but not want to marry me; ‘love’ means ‘marriage.’”
(bypassing)
2. “Once a liar, always a liar.” (static evaluation)
3. “The French are outstanding cooks.” (allness)
4. “Either you’re with me or you’re against me.” (polarization)
5. “You’re always leaving the dirty dishes in the sink. The fact is you are selfcentered.”
(allness)
6. “Either I get the job I want when I graduate, or college was a total waste of
time.” (polarization)
7. “So, are you studying to become a Black doctor?” (biased language)
8. “College students spend most of their time partying.” (allness)
9. “Perhaps you should consider becoming an authoress.” (aiased language)
10. “His speech was memorable because of his gestation.” (lack of clarity,
malapropism—“gestation” is the period of carrying developing offspring in
the uterus after conception; “gesticulation” is the act of using gestures)
11. “You have never in your life considered a single person, other than yourself.”
(allness)
12. “An hour is not ‘running a little late’; ten minutes is ‘running a little late.”’
(bypassing)
13. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” (static evaluation)
14. “I feel a lot more like I do now, than I did when I got here.” (lack of clarity)
Activity 6.7: The Defensiveness Rests, Your Honor
Help students recognize communication that contributes to a defensive climate.
Explain that students will work in groups to change defensive climate strategies into supportive
ones. Divide the class into small groups. Distribute several of the following statements to each
group for revision. Have the groups report their revisions to the class.
Statements
1. “I’m perfectly willing to admit when I’m wrong—I am just never wrong.”
2. “Do it my way or hit the highway.”
3. “You are obviously not understanding the program here.”
4. “Well, when you reach my level of education, you might be able to make such
intellectual leaps.”
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5. “Maybe some big, strong, manly man would be so kind as to move this stack
of books for little, dainty me.”
6. “Okay, let me try to explain this to you in itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny baby steps.”
7. “I know what you’re thinking; you’re thinking you can get away with this, but
you can’t.”
8. “Look, here’s how you should feel about this…”
9. “Certain persons should know that speaking to someone like myself in that
manner will not benefit certain persons.”
10. “You obviously do not care about my feelings.”
11. “Did I ever tell you how ravishingly beautiful you are when you’re angry?”
12. “I’m not mad; why should I care what you do?”
13. “I’m not interested in your opinions; I already told you what the right answer
is.”
14. “I am the boss here and I can terminate your employment at any time.”
15. “No, we don’t need to discuss our feelings; they’re your feelings—not mine.”
Activity 6.8: Offering Directions
Ask students to write directions from the classroom to your office or between two other points on
campus. Next, put students in pairs and ask students to exchange papers and discuss whether the
classmate would be able to follow these directions.
• What details or general statements were missing?
• Did students provide an overview first before providing specific directions? Did
this help?
Activity 6.9: What’s in a Name?
For most people, the most attention-catching word is their name. Given the power that words
have to create and affect thoughts and actions, consider the implications of names.
1. Rank the following names according to status (1 = most status, 10 = least status), then
share and discuss the results with your classmates.
Mr. Smith __________
Miss Smith _________
Ms. Smith __________
Mrs. Smith _________
Rev. Smith _________
Dr. Smith __________
Prof. Smith _________
President Smith _____
Officer Smith _______
Smith _____________
When considering the rankings, think about the cultural values that influence your decision to
rank a name or title in a certain way. Would this be the same in all cultures? Ask students from
different ethnic backgrounds or students who have traveled and experienced different cultures to
add to the discussion.
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Activity 6.10: Marital Name Change
Direct students to Laurie Scheuble and David Johnson’s article, “Marital Name Change: Plans
and Attitudes of College Students.” This article describes various issues surrounding the
decisions women make about whether or not to change their names when they marry. Among
other things, the authors found that while many support and affirm a woman’s right to retain her
last name when she marries, most women follow tradition and take their husband’s last name.
You can use this article to engage students in a discussion of what they think they will do
when/if they marry, and what implications their choice has for identity.
Scheuble, Laurie K., & Johnson, David R. (1993). “Marital Name Change: Plans
and Attitudes of College Students,” Journal of Marriage and the Family 55 (3)
747-754.
As part of your discussion, you could have students work through the following exercise on
marital name change:
• If you marry, should you change your name? Imagine that John Smith marries
Mary Jones. Discuss the communication implications of the following names
with your classmates. Which name would you prefer? Explain your choice.
John Smith-Jones/Mary Smith-Jones
John Jones-Smith/Mary Jones-Smith
John Smith and Mary Smith
Mr. John Smith/Mrs. Mary Jones
Mr. and Mrs. Smith-Jones
Mr. John Smith/Ms. Mary Jones
John Jones/Mary Jones
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Mary and John Smith
Activity 6.11: Discussion: Is Heterosexual Language a Form of Bias?
If a speaker acknowledges gay, lesbian, and bisexual lifestyles, should they also be sensitive to
celibacy, monogamy, polygamy, and other lifestyles?
Individuals who participate in gay, lesbian, or bisexual relationships may feel offended or left out
when a speaker uses heterosexist language. By contrast, individuals who participate in more
traditional relationships may feel offended by language incorporating alternative relationships.
Where should a speaker draw the line? How would you approach this challenge with your
family? Friends? Professors?
Activity 6.12: Truly Offensive Language
Strong caution is advised when using this exercise. Instructors should carefully observe students
to see if they are mature enough to deal with these issues. Jesse Sheidlower’s book The F-Word
provides an interesting and informative look at the history and etymology of one of the most
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offensive words in our vernacular. You could select passages from this book (available through
Amazon.com) to frame the following exercise.
Ask students to generate a list of words they find offensive. You can begin with the homophobic
epithets offered by the authors but then move beyond this list. What words create a hostile or
threatening environment?
Questions:
• Should these words EVER be used?
• If so, in what context?
• When members of a particular group use the epithet, does this diminish the
credibility of others using it? (In other words, does a woman joking around and
calling another woman a “bitch” validate the use of the words for others?)
• How should we deal with these words? (Practice that assertive behavior!)
• Do words have the ability to harm us?
Activity 6.13: Words as Silver Boxes
In her book Silver Boxes: The Gift of Encouragement, author and motivational speaker Florence
Littauer develops the idea that our words should be like “little silver boxes, with a bow on top.”
There is an accompanying audio-CD (purchased separately from the book and titled, “Words of
Kindness, Source of Healing”) that contains a stirring and heartfelt account of the power of
words. The CD is at once entertaining, informative, and emotional, and leaves listeners
breathless. (Manual author’s note: This is one of the best resources I’ve ever seen for an
Interpersonal Communication course lesson on the power of words. It is primarily directed at a
religious audience, but would be appealing to just about anyone due to Littauer’s masterful
storytelling.) In short, the CD is about how words bring life, hope, and healing, or
disillusionment and degradation. Both the book and CD can be found via the following link:
http://family.christianbook.co...
Let students listen to the CD (30 minutes). Immediately following, ask whether someone has an
anecdote to share about how someone’s words changed their life. Then, ask them to write the
following down on a piece of paper that no one else will see (this should be done with no
talking):
1. Write down the name of someone who gives you “good words”—someone
who builds you up with their words. It could be a family member or relative, but
it’s better if it’s someone else. What is it about that person that makes them such
an attractive and uplifting person in your life?
2. Write down the name of someone whom you have seen in a mostly negative
light. Ask yourself if that person has any redeeming qualities at all. What “good
words” could you say to that person that might “edify” him or her? How would
saying such a thing change your relationship?
3. Write down the name of someone who, if they were doing this exercise,
would put your name down for #1. That is, who would see you as someone who
gives them “good words”?
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Activity 6.14: Using Film and Other Media
1. Verbal Communication: The Power of Words, a 30-minute video published by CRM
Films (1-800-421-0833). Through the use of animation, funny vignettes, and dramatized
organizational scenarios, this film illustrates the critical parts of every verbal exchange—
including where and how breakdowns occur.
2. Look for other educational films by CRM, including I Told ‘Em Exactly How To Do It,
Clear as Mud, and Communication: Getting in Touch.
3. Robert Bolton, author of People Skills (Simon and Schuster, 1979), asserts that
genuineness has three ingredients: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-expression.
Bolton argues that the children’s story The Velveteen Rabbit (Margery Williams, Avon,
1985) describes the development of genuineness. Discuss this with students.
4. Don Gabor, in his book Speaking Your Mind in 101 Difficult Situations, offers these tips
for TACTFUL conversations:
1. T = Think before you speak
2. A = Apologize quickly when you blunder
3. C = Converse, don’t compete
4. T = Time your comments
5. F = Focus on behavior—not on personality
6. U = Uncover hidden feelings
7. L = Listen for feedback
See if students can come up with other acronyms for building a positive communication
climate or other concepts from the text.
5. Discuss civility and courtesy a bit with students. For research, check out Mark Cardwell’s
book, A Short History of Rudeness: Manners, Morals, and Misbehavior in Modern
America.
6. A 1996 survey by Princeton Survey Research Associates found that 61% of the general
public agrees that Americans are rude. A 1996 Gallup poll found that 80% think we’re
less civil now than we were ten years ago, in 1986. Show the training film, In Your Face:
Why Courtesy and Respect (The Learning Seed; 1997, 800-634-4941) and discuss this
issue with students.
Activity 6.15: Using Video—Boyz n the Hood
This film focuses on three black young men growing up in south central Los Angeles. The
primary focus of the film falls on one of these young men, Tre Styles (played by Cuba Gooding,
Jr.). Tre is caught between his desire to make something of himself, living up to his father’s
expectations, and the pull of peer pressure to be more involved in the local gang culture in which
his friends are embedded. As Tre works through various tensions, his father, Furious Styles
(played by Laurence Fishburne), remains engaged with him, helping him gain perspective on his
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life and future. Having a good father—one who talks with him—significantly increases Tre’s
life chances, and helps him make the sort of wise decisions his friends fail to make. As you
watch this with your students (either in its entirety, or selected scenes), carefully watch for the
character of the “words” Furious gives to Tre, and the effect they have on him over the course of
his life.
Activity 6.16: The Art of Apology
Have students read the article “The Art of Apology” online at:
http://www.education.com/magaz...
Then, begin a discussion that includes the following:
a) How do you feel about the “rote” apology?
b) Should ALL apologies be heartfelt or not given at all?
c) Could there be such a thing as a “courtesy” apology that isn’t necessarily heartfelt? Is there a
place for such an apology in your daily life? Do you ever use this type of apology?
d) How do you feel about parents taking on the task of teaching their children to apologize?
e) How important do you feel apologies are when they occur between romantic partners? Family
members? Strangers? Coworkers?
Activity 6.17: Confirming/Disconfirming
Have students engage in the following:
a) Identify the communication climate of a personal relationship that is important in your life. (Is
it sunny, fair, etc.?)
b) List a number of verbal and nonverbal confirming and disconfirming messages that have
helped you and your relational partner create and maintain the climate as it is today.
c) Discuss how the verbal and nonverbal confirming or disconfirming messages you have
identified have either created or diminished issues of conflict in the relationship.
d) Describe what sorts of verbal and nonverbal confirming messages you and your partner can
use to either maintain or improve the existing climate or to make the climate better (if it is
negative).
e) Why did you select these particular messages for improving/maintaining the relationship
and/or making it better?
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Chapter 7: Nonverbal Communication Skills
Chapter-at-a-Glance
Brief Chapter Outline Learning Objectives Instructor Manual
Resources
Notes
Identifying the Importance
of Nonverbal
Communication
Objective 1
Activity: 7.1, 7.5, 7.12, 7.19
Understanding Nonverbal
Communication Codes
Objective 2
Activity: 7.3, 7.6, 7.9, 7.10,
7.19
How to Improve Your Skill
in Interpreting Nonverbal
Messages
Objective 3 Activity: 7.4, 7.7, 7.8, 7.11,
7.13, 7.14, 7.16, 7.17
How to Improve Your Skill
in Expressing Nonverbal
Messages
Objective 4 Activity: 7.2, 7.15, 7.17, 7.18
Learning Objectives
After studying this chapter, students should be able to:
1. Explain why nonverbal communication is an important area of study.
2. Identify and describe eight nonverbal communication codes.
3. Enhance your skill in interpreting nonverbal messages.
4. Enhance your skill in expressing nonverbal messages.
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Chapter Overview
Identifying the Importance of Nonverbal Communication: Studying nonverbal
communication is important and often undervalued. Nonverbal messages communicate our
feelings and attitudes. Nonverbal messages are more believable and taken to be more honest
than verbal messages. Nonverbal messages work with verbal messages to create meaning.
Nonverbal messages help people respond and adapt to others. Nonverbal communication plays a
major role in all interpersonal relationships.
Understanding Nonverbal Communication Codes: Codifying nonverbal communication is
challenging. Researchers have focused on many elements of nonverbal signals, but eight codes
are most common: body movement and posture, eye contact, facial expression, vocal cues, space,
territory, touch, and appearance.
Improving Your Skill in Interpreting Nonverbal Messages: When interpreting nonverbal
communication, meaning can be derived from messages clustered around three concepts:
immediacy, arousal, and dominance. Immediacy messages communicate a sense of attraction.
Arousal messages communicate the level of excitement being felt. Dominance cues give insight
into how powerful a person feels at that time. Nonverbal interpretations are more likely to be
accurate when we consider the cues in context. Interpreters should attribute meaning to clusters
of cues rather than just one isolated cue. Consider past experiences when interpreting the
present. Compare what you expect to see with what you actually observe. Become adept at
checking your perceptions of nonverbal cues with others. Be aware that the nonverbal expression
of emotion can be contagious: you may “catch” the emotions of others. Be aware of the cues
that may communicate lying. Interpreting nonverbal messages has limitations.
How to Improve Your Skill in Expressing Nonverbal Messages: It is important to be mindful
of your nonverbal behavior. Even if you are not feeling anxious or nervous, your nonverbal
behaviors may send out signals to the contrary. Being aware of our nonverbal behaviors and
tendencies is the first step to improving your skill in expressing your feelings to others. To gain
greater skill in this area, watch how others react to your nonverbal behavior, ask others about it,
and practice your nonverbal behavior. All of these things will help increase your awareness of
how others see you.
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Chapter Outline
(All key terms appear in bold)
• Nonverbal communication is behavior other than written or spoken language that creates
meaning.
I. Identifying the Importance of Nonverbal Communication
A. Nonverbal Messages Are the Primary Way We Communicate Our Feelings and Attitudes
• Marriage partners who are skilled at interpreting the emotional meaning of a message
are typically more satisfied in their marriages.
• Psychologist Albert Mehrabian (1972) concluded that as little as 7 percent of the
emotional meaning of our messages is communicated explicitly through verbal
channels.
• In all, we communicate approximately 93 percent of the emotional meaning of our
messages nonverbally.
B. Nonverbal Messages Are Usually More Believable Than Verbal Messages
• Nonverbal messages are more difficult to fake.
• Social psychologists Paul Ekman and Wallace Friesen have identified the face,
hands, and feet as key sources of nonverbal cues.
• Lie detectors (polygraphs) rely on unconscious nonverbal clues.
C. Nonverbal Messages Work with Verbal Messages to Create Meaning
• Nonverbal cues help us manage verbal messages.
• Nonverbal cues augment the emotional meaning of verbal messages.
D. Nonverbal Messages Help People Respond and Adapt to Others
• Interaction adaptation theory suggests that a predictor of how you interact with
others verbally and nonverbally is your tendency to adapt to what others are doing.
• Sometimes we relate by mirroring the posture or behavior of others, which is
explained by interactional synchrony, the mirroring of each other’s nonverbal
behavior by communication partners.
E. Nonverbal Messages Play a Major Role in Interpersonal Relationships
• Psychologist Raymond Birdwhistle suggests that as much as 65 percent of the social
or relational meaning in messages is based on nonverbal communication.
• People begin making judgments about strangers just a fraction of a second after
meeting them based on nonverbal information.
a) Within the first four minutes, you draw conclusions about others.
b) You may decide whether a date is going to be pleasant or dull within the first
30 seconds of meeting your partner.
• Nonverbal messages of support are important when providing comforting messages
to others during times of stress and anxiety.
• Nonverbal cues are important not only when we initiate relationships, but also as we
maintain and develop mature relationships with others.
• Long-married couples spend less time verbalizing feelings and emotions; they learn
to interpret each other’s subtle nonverbal cues.
II. Understanding Nonverbal Communication Codes
A. Body Movement and Posture
• Kinesics is the study of human movement and gesture.
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• One paradigm identifies four stages of “quasi-courtship behavior.”
a) In stage one, courtship readiness, we may suck in our stomach, tense our
muscles, and stand up straight.
b) The second stage includes preening behaviors: we manipulate our appearance
by combing our hair, applying makeup, straightening our tie, pulling up our
socks, and double-checking our appearance in the mirror.
c) In stage three, we demonstrate positional cues, using our posture and body
orientation to be seen and noticed by others.
d) In the fourth stage, appeals to invitation, we use close proximity, exposed
skin, open body positions, and eye contact to signal our availability and
interest.
• Another team of researchers focused on nonverbal behaviors that make us label a
person warm and friendly or cold and distant.
a) “Warm” people face their communication partners directly, smile more, make
more direct eye contact, fidget less, and generally make fewer unnecessary
hand movements.
b) “Cold” people make less eye contact, smile less, fidget more, and turn away
from their partners.
• Posture and body orientations reveal important information.
• Albert Mehrabian (1972) found that nonverbal cues of open body and arm position, a
forward lean, and a more relaxed posture communicate liking.
• When you are attempting to persuade someone, you typically have more eye contact
and a more face-to-face body orientation; you are more likely to lean forward and
closer to others.
• The five categories of nonverbal communication:
1) Emblems are nonverbal cues that have a specific, generally understood meaning
in a given culture and may substitute for a word or phrase.
2) Illustrators are nonverbal behaviors that accompany a verbal message and either
contradict, accent, or complement it.
3) Affect displays are nonverbal behaviors that communicate emotion.
4) Regulators are nonverbal messages that help to control the interaction or flow of
communication between people.
5) Adaptors are nonverbal behaviors that satisfy a personal need and help a person
to adapt to the immediate situation.
C. Eye Contact
• Eye contact serves at least four functions in interpersonal interactions:
a) It serves a cognitive function because it gives you information about another
person’s thought processes.
b) People use eye contact to monitor the behavior of others.
c) Eye contact is one of the most powerful regulatory cues used to signal when
you want to talk and when you don’t.
d) The area around our eyes serves an expressive function.
• Research has suggested there are times when you are more and less likely to have eye
contact with someone.
• Research further suggests that we spend the majority of our time looking at other
facial features rather than establishing and holding a direct gaze.
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D. Facial Expression
• To interpret our partner’s facial expressions accurately, we need to put our otherorientation
skills to work, focusing on what the other person may be thinking or
feeling.
• According to one research team, your face is capable of producing over 250,000
different expressions.
• All of our expressions can be grouped under six primary emotional categories:
surprise, fear, disgust, anger, happiness, and sadness.
• Interpretation is still difficult because, even though our faces provide a great deal of
information about emotions, we have learned how to control our facial expressions.
• In addition, our facial expressions seem to be contagious.
• Smiling is cross-cultural.
• There may be a universal basis for interpreting facial expressions.
• Complex facial expressions are easier to interpret.
• It’s likely you can spot a phony smile.
• Microexpressions are fleeting facial expressions that may last only .05 of a second.
Most people have difficulty detecting microexpressions.
E. Vocal Cues
1. Our Vocal Cues Communicate Emotions
• Vocal cues communicate emotions and help us manage conversations.
• Even the lack of vocal cues communicates information.
• It is primarily your voice that communicates your level of intimacy with others
when you express your ideas.
• Expressions of joy and anger are obvious vocal expressions.
• Shame and love are the most difficult to identify based on vocal cues alone.
• We are also likely to confuse fear with nervousness, love with sadness, and pride
with satisfaction.
• Our voices also provide information about our self-confidence and our
knowledge of the subject matter in our messages.
• Most people would conclude that a speaker who mumbles, speaks slowly,
consistently mispronounces words, and uses “uhs” and “ums” is less credible and
persuasive than one who speaks clearly, rapidly, and fluently.
• Speakers with moderate to slightly faster speaking are rated as more “socially
attractive” than speakers who have a slow rate of speech.
2. Vocal Cues Help Us Manage Conversations
• Backchannel cues are the nonverbal cues, typically vocal cues, that signal your
wish to begin or end speaking.
• These are particularly useful in telephone conversations when we have no other
nonverbal cues to signal when we want to get off the phone.
3. Our Use of Silence Speaks Volumes
• Silence communicates not only when we’re interacting with someone in a faceto-
face situation, but also when we’re sending an e-mail message.
• Sidney Baker’s theory of silence suggests that the more at ease we are when we
share a silence with a close friend, the more comfortable we are with just being
together and enjoying each other’s companionship.
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F. Space
• Proxemics is the study of how close or far away from people and objects people
position themselves.
• Edward T. Hall (1966) identified four zones that people in Western cultures
unconsciously define for themselves:
a) Intimate space is the zone of personal space most often used for very
personal or intimate interactions, ranging from 0 to one and 1-1/2 feet from
the individual.
b) Personal space is the zone of personal space most often used for
conversation, ranging from 1-1/2 to 4 feet from the individual. Most of our
conversations with family and friends occur in this zone; if someone we don’t
know well invades this space on purpose, we may feel uncomfortable.
c) Social space is the zone of personal space most often used for group
interactions, ranging from 4 to 12 feet.
d) Public space is the zone of interaction most often used by public speakers or
anyone speaking to many people, ranging beyond 12 feet from the individual.
• The specific space that you and others choose depends upon several variables:
a) The more you like someone, the closer you will stand.
b) We allow high-status individuals to surround themselves with more space
than we do lower-status people.
c) Large people also usually have more space around them than smaller ones.
d) All of us tend to stand closer to others in a large room than we do in a small
room.
e) Our culture plays a significant role in determining how close to others we
work or stand, as well as the power and status of individuals with whom we
interact.
G. Territory
• Territoriality is the study of how animals and humans use space and objects to
communicate occupancy or ownership of space.
• We announce our ownership of space with territorial markers: things that signify
that the area has been claimed.
• We also use markers to indicate where our space stops and someone else’s starts.
H. Touch
• Normally, we touch to express intimacy.
• Increased touching usually means an escalation in both conversational and physical
intimacy.
• We make inferences about who has the most power in a relationship just by who
seems to be the most dominant based on who controls hand-holding cues.
• Countless studies have shown that intimate touching is vital to our personal
development and well-being.
• The amount of touch we need, tolerate, receive, and initiate depends upon many
factors.
a) The amount and kind of touching you receive in your family is one big
influence.
b) Studies show that most of us are more likely to touch people when we are
feeling friendly, happy, or under other specific circumstances:
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(1) When we ask someone to do something for us.
(2) When we share, rather than ask for, information.
(3) When we try to persuade someone to do something.
(4) When we are talking about intimate topics.
(5) When we are in social settings that we choose rather than in professional
settings that are part of our job.
(6) When we are thrilled and excited to share good news.
(7) When we listen to a troubled or worried friend.
I. Appearance
• American culture places a high value upon how much we weigh, the style of our hair,
and the clothes we wear.
a) These things are especially important in the early stages of relationship
development.
b) Attractive females have an easier time persuading others than do those who
are perceived as less attractive.
c) In general, Americans think attractive people are more credible, happier,
more popular, more sociable, and even more prosperous than less attractive
people.
d) If you believe others think a person is attractive, you’ll be more likely to
evaluate that person as attractive, too.
• The shape and size of your body also affect how others perceive you.
a) Heavier and rounder individuals are often perceived to be older, more oldfashioned,
less good-looking, more talkative, and more good-natured than
thin people are.
b) Thin people are perceived to be more ambitious, more suspicious of others,
more uptight and tense, more negative, and less talkative.
c) Muscular and athletically fit people are seen as better looking, taller, and
more adventurous.
• Our clothes also affect how others perceive us.
a) The clothes you wear are a way of communicating to others how you want to
be treated.
III. How to Improve Your Skill in Interpreting Nonverbal Messages
A. Look for Dimensions of Meaning in Nonverbal Messages
• Mehrabian (1972) found that we synthesize and interpret nonverbal cues along
three primary dimensions: immediacy, arousal, and dominance.
1. Observe Immediacy Cues That Communicate Liking
• Immediacy cues are behaviors that communicate liking and engender feelings of
pleasure.
• The principle of immediacy is simple in that we move toward persons and things
we like and avoid or move away from those we dislike.
• When someone expresses pleasant nonverbal messages, we reciprocate.
• Immediacy is contagious.
2. Observe Arousal Cues that Communicate Responsiveness
• The face, voice, and movement are primary indicators of arousal.
• If we sense arousal cues, we conclude that another person is responsive to and
interested in us.
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• Forward lean, a flash of the eyebrows, and a nod of the head are other cues that
implicitly communicate arousal.
3. Observe Dominance Cues that Communicate Power
• Dominance cues communicate power, status, position and importance.
• A person of high status tends to have a relaxed body posture when interacting
with a person of lower status.
• People in leadership positions are more likely to be the ones who initiate a
handshake than are non-leaders.
• High-status individuals usually have more space around them, have bigger
offices, and have more “barriers” protecting them.
• Other power cues that communicate feelings of dominance include our use of
furniture, clothing, and locations.
• Michael Argyle (1988) summarizes the nonverbal cues that communicate
dominance according to:
a) Use of space (height, facing a group, more space)
b) Eye contact (less with lower status, more when talking, more when
initially establishing dominance, more when starting to establish power)
c) Face (no smile, frown, mature adult features)
d) Touch (initiating touch)
e) Voice (loud, low pitch, greater pitch range, slow, more interruptions,
more talk, slight hesitation before speaking)
f) Gesture (pointing at the other or at his or her property)
g) Posture (standing, hands on hips, expanded chest, more relaxed)
B. Use Effective Strategies for Interpreting Nonverbal Messages
1. Consider Nonverbal Cues in Context
2. Look for Clusters of Nonverbal Cues
• Corroborating cues can lead you to a more accurate conclusion about the
meaning of a behavior.
3. Consider Past Experiences When Interpreting Nonverbal Cues
• Familiarity with another person increases our ability to interpret his or her
nonverbal behavior.
• After knowing someone over a period of time, you begin to increase your
sensitivity to certain glances, silences, and vocal cues that might be overlooked
or misunderstood by others.
4. Compare What You Expect to See with What You Actually Observe
• Burgoon’s expectancy violation theory explains that we interpret the messages
of others based on how we expect others to behave.
• When our expectations are violated, we may feel uncomfortable.
5. Be Aware of Your Skill in Interpreting Nonverbal Messages
• Some people are simply better at interpreting nonverbal cues than others.
• By reflecting on your skill in accurately interpreting nonverbal cues, you can
decide whether you need to increase your awareness of the unspoken messages of
others.
6. Check Your Perceptions with Others
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• First, observe the person’s nonverbal cues, making a point to note such variables
as amount of eye contact, posture, use of gestures, facial expression, and tone of
voice.
• Second, try to interpret what the individual is expressing through his or her
nonverbal behavior.
• Finally, check your perception by asking him or her if it is accurate.
7. Be Aware That Nonverbal Expression of Emotion Is Contagious
• Emotional contagion theory suggests that emotional expression is contagious;
people can “catch” emotions just by observing each other’s emotional
expressions.
• Interpersonal interactions with others can affect your nonverbal expression of
emotions.
8. Look for Cues That May Communicate Lying
• Look for nonverbal clues.
• Listen to the content of what the person says.
• Measure such physiological responses as heart rate, breathing, etc.
• Ask other people for collaborating information, or do your own detective work.
C. Be Aware of Limitations When Interpreting Nonverbal Messages
1. Nonverbal Messages are Often Ambiguous
• The meaning of nonverbal messages may be known only to the person displaying
them.
• That person may not intend the behavior to have any meaning at all.
• Some people have difficulty expressing their emotions nonverbally.
2. Nonverbal Messages Are Continuous
• Words are discrete entities that have a beginning and an end.
• Nonverbal cues occur in a continuous stream that have no set beginning and end,
so they are difficult to categorize and interpret.
3. Nonverbal Cues are Multichanneled
• Nonverbal messages come from a variety of sources simultaneously.
• Although you can move among them very rapidly, you can only actually attend
to only one nonverbal cue at a time.
4. Nonverbal Interpretation Is Culture-Based
• Research suggests that there is some underlying cross-cultural basis for
expressing emotion.
• Yet each culture may develop unique rules for displaying and interpreting these
nonverbal messages.
IV. How to Improve Your Skill in Expressing Nonverbal Messages
A. Be Mindful of Your Nonverbal Behavior
• Even if you may not be aware of feeling anxious or nervous, your nonverbal
behaviors may send those messages unless you’re mindful of what you are doing.
• Being aware of your nonverbal behavior is the first step in improving your skill in
expressing your feelings to others.
• If your nonverbal message doesn’t match your verbal message, it’s your nonverbal
message that will carry the most weight in influencing the meaning of the message.
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B. Observe Others’ Reactions to Your Nonverbal Behavior
• Be a detective on the lookout for clues about how your nonverbal behavior is creating
meaning for others.
• Are you doing something to trigger a negative reaction in others?
C. Ask Others About Your Nonverbal Behavior
• Close friends can offer honest advice about the nonverbal impressions you make on
others.
• Consider asking whether your actions fit your words and whether the feeling and
overall mood you have is what you’re communicating nonverbally.
D. Practice Your Nonverbal Behavior
• Practice nonverbal social skills you think you need to polish, such as greeting others
or expressing positive and negative emotions.
• This can increase your awareness of how others see you.
Discussion/Journal Questions
• Athletes in your class might enjoy discussing referees’ signals. Musicians and vocalists can
speak of conductors’ and choral directors’ emblems.
• Ask students to write about and then discuss their perceptions of a “poker face.” In the movie
Maverick, Bret Maverick talks of telltale signs made by card players. Discuss these.
• Show part of the DVD The Hours, in which Julianne Moore plays an unhappy woman who
seems to constantly be making attempts to put on a “happy face” when she interacts with her
husband and her son. Have students determine which of her nonverbal cues appear to be
sending the messages of unhappiness and which are those she is trying to put on as she
pretends to be happy.
• Ask students to demonstrate how they would sit if they were fascinated by your lecture.
Tease them if they move. Next, ask them to demonstrate that they are bored. Memorize that
posture! Discuss the changes in movement. Note these differences on the board.
• As you discuss this area with students, refrain from making any eye contact with them. Look
at the clock, at your notes, and at students’ feet. Still, without looking, ask them to provide
you with feedback. (If they didn’t notice, you’re not making enough contact normally!)
• Ask students to compare their personal space in the classroom with yours. Discuss how space
is used to send messages of status and power. If you have time, ask students to move into
small groups and discuss implicit rules of elevator etiquette.
• Tell students to prepare for the NEXT class meeting by looking around their personal space
at home (dorm, apartment, etc.) and determining how the furniture and objects/artifacts are
arranged. Then, during the next class, begin a discussion on the power each has or does not
perceived him- or herself to have, based on how their personal space is arranged. Do those
who live at home or have a roommate seem to have a different feeling about their space than
do those who live alone?
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• Ask students to justify their seat selection in this classroom. Do they select the same seat for
each session of class? Are they creatures of habit when they park their car at the shopping
mall? For those who have a sleeping partner, do they sleep on the same side of the bed each
night? Why?
Activities and Assignments
Activity 7.1: What Are You Saying?
Ask students to think a moment and make notes to describe a nonverbal behavior that can be
interpreted universally and without question. In discussion, ask students to offer their “iron clad”
meanings and see if others can offer another interpretation. This is an effective way of opening
discussion and gaining interest.
Activity 7.2: Nonverbal Communication Is Ambiguous
To illustrate the ambiguity of nonverbal communication, point out nonverbal behaviors of
students in the classroom and ask the class whether we can state what these behaviors “mean” or
what the research in the text says they often imply. Examples of behaviors to cite and
corresponding questions to ask might include:
a. Students folding their arms across their bodies: “Are all of these people ‘cold’ in
personality or might they be physically cold?”
b. Students demonstrating a backward lean in their chairs: “Are all of these people
uninterested in class?” “Are these people more dominant or do they have higher status
than the rest of us?”
c. Students commanding more space relative to the class norms: “Are these people
powerful?”
Ask students to “freeze” their bodies and to become aware of their posture and body placement.
What nonverbal messages are they conveying to others?
Activity 7.3: International Gestures: Exploring Body Language Around the World
The book Gestures: The Do’s and Taboos of Body Language Around the World provides myriad
examples of how gestures vary around the globe. For example, how does a “thumbs up” gesture
change in meaning when given in the United States, Nigeria, or Australia? Exploring gestures
can make for lively discussion, especially if you have international students in the class who can
tell about the norms in their home country. Another good book on the subject, and organized by
country, is titled, Kiss, Bow, or Shake Hands. Both of these books are available through
Amazon.com, and are “must haves” for the Interpersonal Communication instructor.
Activity 7.4: Observing Nonverbal Communication in Relationships
Bring in a videotape of a popular television program or movie clip. Select a clip that you feel
demonstrates some of the following:
• Verbal and nonverbal messages that contradict one another
• Emotions conveyed through nonverbal communication
(The Wedding Singer offers some excellent examples, as do YouTube clips from Friends.)
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Activity 7.5: The Human Face
Showing the BBC production of The Human Face, hosted by John Cleese and Elizabeth Hurley,
provides a fascinating look at various components of nonverbal communication. Students will
talk about this for days! Highly recommended. The Amazon.com review for the series reads as
follows:
Anthropology, psychology, cultural history, and biology provide key filters in this breezy but
substantial exploration of the focal impact of the face. Produced by the BBC as a four-hour
series and broadcast in the U.S. on the Learning Channel, The Human Face benefits from
host, narrator, and co-writer John Cleese’s signature blend of erudition, enthusiasm, and wit.
Along the way, Cleese presents information on the evolution of human facial features, the
face’s role in sexuality (including the biological significance of “bedroom eyes”),
communication through facial expressions, and the face’s essential role in defining identity.
Ideals of physical beauty, the reasons why visual development and artistic expression focus
on the face, and the nature of celebrity are examined, as are medical anomalies such as
Mobius syndrome, a condition that eliminates the ability to smile. The presenter gets
strategic help from guest Elizabeth Hurley, who gamely lampoons her own celebrated beauty
in various sketches, and Cleese’s fellow Monty Python alumnus Michael Palin, who pops up
in Python-esque skits during the program’s fourth segment on fame. Comments from
scientific sources are augmented by thoughtful interviews with Pierce Brosnan and Candice
Bergen, who convincingly address the downside of being drop-dead gorgeous.
Activity 7.6: Reading the Face
Show students an overhead projection of images of the human face expressing the six different
primary emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, disgust, surprise, and fear. Show students the
pictures of these emotions on the following website:
http://www.cs.unc.edu/~andrei/...
As you lead students through the various facial emotions, help them to think about what
particular features make the expression indicate fear, surprise, etc. Use the following as a guide:
• Surprise: Wide-open eyes; raised and wrinkled brow; open mouth
• Fear: Open mouth; tense skin under the eyes; wrinkles in the center of the
forehead
• Disgust: Raised or curled upper lip; wrinkled nose; raised cheeks; lowered brow;
lowered upper eyelid
• Anger: Tensed lower eyelid; either pursed lips or open mouth; lowered and
wrinkled brow; staring eyes
• Happiness: Smiling; mouth may be open or closed; raised cheeks; wrinkles
around lower eyelids
• Sadness: Lip may tremble; corners of the lips turn downward; corners of the
upper eyelid may be raised
Have students “partner up” and practice, in random order, making their faces reflect the six
primary expressions. While one student is making an expression, the other student should guess
which one is being portrayed, and what features make up that expression.
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Activity 7.7: Vocal Cues (Paralinguistics)
While students are still with their partners (from the previous exercise), have them say their
partner’s name to him or her in such a way that their words communicate anger, sadness, disgust,
happiness, fear, and surprise. Have them think about how the pitch, volume, rate of speech, and
use of silence all contribute to emotion in vocalizations. Have students say something using
sarcasm, and then the same thing using kindness. Remind them that vocal cues, more than the
denotative meaning of the word, provides the real meaning intended.
Activity 7.8: Vocal Cues in Popular Music – AC/DC versus Mark Kozelek
Mark Kozelek is a musician who has recorded, in an acoustic folk style, many songs previously
written and performed by the hard rock band AC/DC. Obtain the AC/DC album, Powerage, and
the Mark Kozelek album What’s Next to the Moon. First, play the Kozelek rendition of the song
“Up to My Neck in You.” Ask students to think about their impressions of the intelligence of the
songwriter, the poetic caliber of the lyric, and the overall musicianship. Have them make a note
about each of these things. Then, play the same song, only this time play the AC/DC version of
it. (It’s a wild, rock-n-roll version). Have them think through the same questions regarding
intelligence, poetic caliber, and musicianship. Chances are a lot of students will think that
Kozelek version reflects greater intelligence and poetic ability. However, AC/DC wrote the
song, and has been much more widely recognized for their musicianship. This can be the basis
for a discussion about how vocal quality, inflection, enunciation, and so on, affects how we
perceive and experience someone’s words.
Activity 7.9: In Your Space
This exercise helps students gain familiarity with proxemics—the study of how closely people
position themselves to other objects or people. Begin by asking students if they’ve had the
experience where someone stands just a bit too close to them… or it they’re the person who
stands too close to others. Ask if the norm of maintaining social distance is different for
different people (your mother, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your college professor, a parent and
young child, etc.). After this discussion lead them through the following:
• Instruct students to find a partner in the class.
• Stand about 10 feet away from your partner (use the hallway outside the
classroom if there are space constraints).
• One partner stands still, and the other moves, step by step toward him or her, until
the stationary person indicates a comfort threshold has been reached. Then they
reverse roles and do it again.
• Have the students discuss whether the gender, relationship (i.e., whether they
were roommates with this person, or relative strangers), etc., was a factor in
where they drew the line.
Activity 7.10: Personal Space
Show the class a variety of images from the following:
http://images.search.yahoo.com...
ce
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Have them then determine what is right and what is wrong with the use of or invasion of
personal space in each image. You may want to start a full-class discussion on what the larger
U.S. culture views as acceptable violations of personal space and how other cultures may not
agree with those conclusions.
Activity 7.11: Nonverbal Behavior and Culture
An excellent movie for depicting cultural norms is Mr. Baseball. Show scenes from the Japanese
baseball game in which Tom Selleck violates several norms, including spitting on the (sacred)
ground.
Activity 7.12: Guesstures
Play a round of the game Charades, or the game Guesstures (made by Milton Bradley
Company). Here are the directions for Guesstures: “Get your team to guess the word before it
gets swallowed by the Mimer-Timer, a clever yet word-hungry timing device. Then hurry on to
act out the next card. If you can gesture, you can Guessture!”
Activity 7.13: The Nonverbal Cues We Think We Know
There are principles and key skills for interpreting and using nonverbal cues.
• Ask students to help you brainstorm a master list of rules pertaining to nonverbal
behavior.
1. “Never raise your hand to ask a question during the last three minutes of class
time.” (Regulators: movement and gestures)
2. “If the instructor asks for a volunteer, lower your head and stare at your
desk.” (Regulators: movement, gestures, and posture)
3. “If you win first runner-up in a competition, smile and pretend to be happy
that someone else won.” (Affect displays: facial expression)
• To increase students’ interest in observing their own nonverbal behaviors, ask
them to consciously alter one of their nonverbal behaviors for the rest of the day,
noting differences in reactions they receive from others.
• Toward the end of the session, you might discuss chronemics (the study of time).
Ask students how long they would be willing to wait for class to start. Discuss
how long they’d be willing to stay in class. Suggest that you’ll teach for another
15 minutes (at no additional charge!) if they’d like it. This is often a fun way to
end the session.
Activity 7.14: Nonverbal Norm-Breaking Experiment/Paper
(Note: This could be used as a major assignment for the semester/term.)
This assignment gives the student the opportunity to explore the fragility of the constructed
social order by manipulating norms in nonverbal communication. As the course text explains,
we rely on nonverbal communication to predict how others may feel about and react to us. We
frequently trust the nonverbal more than the verbal. As Albert Mehrabian explains, as little as
7% of the meaning of a message may come through explicit verbal channels, while as much as
55% of the meaning of a message—especially its emotional content—is channeled through our
face.
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We conceptualize nonverbal communication along four dimensions: kinesics, haptics,
proxemics, and paralinguistics. This assignment requires that you manipulate norms in at least
three of these dimensions. How you manipulate them is up to you. Use the following guidelines
to complete this assignment. (Follow this general pattern for each of the three dimensions
chosen.)
1. Write an introduction (for the whole assignment) defining nonverbal
communication, identifying its components, and explaining its importance to the
interpersonal communication process. (3/4 to 1 page in length)
2. Write a paragraph or two defining/describing the particular nonverbal behavior
you are investigating. Thoroughly define and explain the general area (say,
proxemics) as well as the particular behavior of interest to you. Do not assume
that I, the reader, am knowledgeable about the subject. Explain what would
constitute normative behaviors for the situation (person, group) you will be
testing.
3. Develop an experiment where you break with normative behavior in the chosen
dimension of nonverbal communication. For example, devise a subtle and
inventive way of invading someone’s space (proxemics). Explain in detail the
intent of your experiment, the expected outcome, and how you will carry it out.
4. Carry out your experiment with an individual or small group of people. These
people may not be relatives (i.e., don’t experiment with your family), and at least
two of the three experiments may not be with intimate familiars (like roommates).
Explain how you carried out your experiment and include the contextual variables
that had bearing on the situation (such as environmental noise, other people in the
environment, other situational norms, etc.). Give the results of the experiment, in
some detail, focusing on how the “victim” coped with this “breach” or made an
effort to maintain social equilibrium. In your description of the results, give a
detailed description (be very specific) of your verbal (if there was any) and
nonverbal communication as well as your subject’s verbal and nonverbal
communications.
5. Provide a summary evaluation of the results of each experiment. Ponder some or
all of the following as you write your thoughts: Why does the norm exist? How
important is it? How uncomfortable did it make the person feel? What did the
person do to address the breach? Is the norm relatively universal or is it
situational/specific to the relationship? Did the person use primarily verbal or
nonverbal tactics to deal with the situation? What did the person do to save
“face?” Etc.
Perform these basic steps for all three of your chosen nonverbal breaching experiments. When
you are finished, write a summary (approximately one page) telling what you learned about
nonverbal interpersonal communication through this exercise. You are free to “debrief” the
subject after the experiment, or not, as you feel it is appropriate. If you do debrief subjects,
explain what you did and how they responded.
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Activity 7.15: Perception Checking
Ask students to work in pairs to role-play the following scenarios and practice their perceptionchecking
skills. You may want to demonstrate first before asking students to begin their
interactions.
Scenarios
1. You go to see a friend to talk about a problem. As you are telling your story, the
friend continues to stare at the floor rather than making eye contact.
2. As you are walking down the quad on campus, a friend goes by and fails to
acknowledge your greeting.
3. Someone stares intently at your chest.
4. The person you are talking with is standing with their arms crossed.
5. You have met a friend at a party. As you are talking, you notice that she continues to
look around the room rather than make eye contact.
6. Your roommate comes in from class, puts his books down on the table, and
immediately flops down on the sofa while releasing a big sigh.
Activity 7.16: Detecting Lies
Go to your local sheriff’s office or police station and ask whether they have a detective who
specializes in lie detection who might be willing to make a presentation to your class. The class
will be quite interested in this until you ask the officer making the presentation to help you
determine whether your students are lying to you about the amount of studying they do for your
class! (The previously mentioned DVD, The Human Face, has a very good segment on lie
detection as well.)
Activity 7.17: Nonverbal Communication in the Workplace
Some students may have already entered the workplace and the remainder will do so. Have
students read the brief Houston Chronicle article on nonverbal communication in the workplace.
http://smallbusiness.chron.com...
Have the class discuss how employees might be able to apply the information in the textbook
about improving the ability to express and to understand nonverbal cues in order to reduce one or
all of the issues noted in the article.
Activity 7.18: Using Video—The Man in the Iron Mask
In The Man in the Iron Mask, Leonardo DiCaprio plays dual roles as the despotic King Louis
XIV, who rules France with an iron fist, and the king’s twin brother, Philippe, who languishes in
prison under an iron mask, his identity concealed to prevent an overthrow of Louis’ throne. But
Louis’ abuse of power ultimately enrages Athos (John Malkovich), one of the original Four
Musketeers, who recruits his former partners (Gabriel Byrne, Gérard Depardieu, and Jeremy
Irons) in a plot to liberate Philippe and install him as the king’s identical replacement. Once this
plot is set in motion and the Musketeers are each given moments in the spotlight, the film kicks
into gear and offers plenty of entertainment in the grand style of vintage swashbucklers.
(Review excerpted from Amazon.com.)
As you watch this movie, or selected scenes from it, direct your students’ attention to the
way DiCaprio plays a cruel man, and then his kind twin brother. It’s all in the eyes.
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Activity 7.19: Verbal/Nonverbal
Show the class part or all of the 1984 film Starman in which Jeff Bridges plays a visitor from
another planet who has not quite gotten his verbal and nonverbal messages in synch. Student can
see that messages can be somewhat interrupted when the verbal and nonverbal messages do not
coincide and how unusual they may find it when gestures are not used as might b